Turning over the leaf

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Life throws us many curve balls. Some are minor, some are major, and some are just unexpected pit stops in our journey to success. This year I was thrown many curve balls. I got distracted, I got depressed, I even got down on my luck. I start picking up bad habits and falling back into old ways. Throughout it all. God still kept his hand covered over me, even when I didn’t deserve it. I can honestly say that no matter my downfalls, I still made it through, and I exceeded past every obstacle. Most times in life when we know we are not living right, and we are fully aware of it we tend to live in guilt, wondering when the next boulder will fall on top of our heads, but as I’ve grown I’ve learned that we can not think that way. We are humans, humans that have the ability to create our own realities. Due to our trial and errors we are given yet another chance to make amends, and be better than before. We have to numb ourselves of all the pain and negativity, and just push pass it all to reach our goals. If you want to live better, than do better. Once again we have the ability to change our mindsets from “I can’t”, to “Yes the fuck I can”. We have to stop being afraid of defeat and claim our victory. I’m also learning that there has never been a better time to turn over the leaf in our lives, and try something new. It’s time to be innovative, think differently, live differently. Odds are, most people who feel unhappy, simply do nothing real to change their state of emotion. If we tried just a little harder to appeal to our spirits instead of our flesh, we would really see the difference in our well being. So turning over the leaf? What’s that mean? We’ve tried the New Years resolutions, and that’s normally thrown out the window by the end of the week. Let’s try something more, how about setting the tone each week, day, month with a goal that will keep you aligned on your plan of living righteously. Rather its’ monthly, weekly, bi-weekly, start by acknowledging things in your life that are not suiting you and pin-point it to change it. If we never face our skeletons we will always live in fear, but if we aim to finally fight against these transgressions, we will prevail and conquer the enemy once and for all. Sometimes you just really have to step out of faith, and trust God and his mission to lead your life, but you have to be willing to change habits and make living right a priority. It’s always easier said than done, but you only have one life to live, and so many chances. Let’s work together to make the best of this journey, I invite all who read this to walk with me as I practice healthier living spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally. It’s just time to be great, and God is waiting for you to walk into your blessings. If there is anything that is bothering you, haunting you, and just simply tugging you do away with it and let God wipe away all your tears. It’s time to be GREAT, believe in yourself and all that you are capable of, and God will handle the rest.

Sacrifice 


Sometimes you have to sacrifice to gain. This week I began to fast for the Lord because all I’ve ever done is make a thousand mistakes yet he’s redeemed me everytime. This last mistake was quite terrible, & id normally revert to regret and shame, but this time God but on my heart to fast. Now I’ve never really fasted, well at least not successfully. So I knew this would be a challenge. After I sinned for the hundredth time I knew I had to do something different to turn from my selfish, ignorant ways. God loves us so much that he’d forgive us till our very last breath, he cleansess our mind and body. So what is a simple sacrifice of food or a habit of ours to merely compensate for all the wrong we’ve ever done to him. This is my second day of fasting and though it’s very difficult I’ve never had so much peace of mind, & I swear God is speaking to me clearer than ever. Sometimes God allows sin to happen to bring us unto salvation, & grant us new beginnings. Sometimes all Gods wants is to see if we are truly willing to sacrifice, yet he sacrificed his son so that we would be able to come to him and allow him to wash away all our sins. 

This is 

All I can do in this part of my life is write, write until my hands bleed. Record the trials and tribulations I’m facing. I’m starting to see that right now is my prime. I have a story to tell. I have people waiting to connect with. This is the time my imperfections are turned into creations. Innovation is beneath my fingertips. I’m ready to embrace my struggle and write to the world all about. I’m ready to reach deep down inside of myself and pull out all of the gifts embedded in me. This is the time to be a writer. This is the time to create a story worth telling. 

Here


I’m here today, I’m alive and well. For some that’s the hardest thing to be able to make it to the next day. I guess I’m grateful for this moment of writing to you. Life gets you to a place of feeling dull and incomplete sometimes . Yet today right this second, I thank God for peace. Peace of being able to breathe. Peace of not worrying about the next second. And what’s to come thereafter. I think I get lost in the future. I’m just waiting and waiting to get to that peak, but I’m starting to figure out that the beauty is in the anticipation, the let downs, the funny moments, the painful moments. We just have to enjoy every part of it. Fight to find joy in every dull moment. I’m learning we have to stop making expectations and allow God to lead us on the journey. I’ve realized I’m not perfect, I’m so far from it yet I still aim to be all I can be. Sigh  I just want to be one of those people who get the meaning of life. So many people make life into what they can most likely see, but I feel there is soooo much more to know, to experience, to understand. I’m searching..

22


22 was a very symbolic age for me. It was and is an age of transition. I’ve hurdled over many obstacles this age. I’ve faced many trials and tribulations this age as well. I truly believe this year of 22 led me to meeting my true self. My adult self. This age my mind elevated to a new level of thinking, moving away from my adolescence self. I let go of things at 22, habits and ways that were conflicting my growth. At 22 God woke me up, he helped me to become aware of my self and turn from my ways. 22 I gave up loving him even though I thought it would be one of the most painful things I could do. It didn’t hurt like I thought it would, I think it hurt more to realize that I hurt myself. I was afraid to love myself by letting go. I gained a lot of collateral this year. Not the good collateral but the kind that collects dust and crowds spaces. At 22 I was in a car crash, this crash could have taken my life, but God saved my life at 22. He wiped away all the old in my life. At 22 I met this woman I never knew before, she is calm, confident, and beautiful. She possesses such grace and purpose. At 22 I realized no one can make me happy but myself. At 22 I realized that in order to prosper I would have to let some things go. I wold have to sacrifice in order to gain. 22 is the year of maintaining convictions and turning dreams into reality. 22 was the age of vision. 22 I fell in love with my own words. 22 I recognized my talents, my calling in life. 22 I fell in love with myself. 

Facing fears 


We as humans are so afraid to look into ourselves. Living in an individualistic society we aim each day to please the desires of our flesh but are afraid to confront the depths of our soul. We try to ignore the things inside of us that are flawed and are in need of desperate attention. We try to cover up the truth with lies and despair. We make excuses for our actions and justify our mistakes. Soon enough we grow victim to ourselves falling short of our full potential. Then there comes a time when we just can’t take the lies anymore. The pain of our affliction becomes too much to bare. We then have to stand up and stare in the mirror and face ourselves. Face the truth. We have to strip ourselves of everything that covers us up from our truth. We have to scalpel out all of the toxic waste that we’ve allowed to accumulate over time, and excavate it from our souls. We have to stop thinking about personal pleasure and start thinking about self development. We have to weed out all of the things that trigger us to walk off course, & realign our soul to our inner light. We have to grow up and face our fears. We have to let go of the pass to allow good to come in our future. Don’t be afraid to let go of yourself in order to gain your true self. Don’t ever be afraid to face your biggest fears, they will be your biggest accomplishments.

The Ending

Hello, I’ve been waiting for you to come. 

Honestly I’ve been dying for you to come.

See I don’t want to feel this way any longer. 

I don’t want to hurt this way anymore.

See I realized I have the ability to let go.

I have to power to shed all of you from my soul .

I can walk to the end of the finish line. 

I can hold my head high because I have conquered defeat.

I walk past that finish line to my new life.

I walk toward a new way of thinking, breathing, eating, living.

I used to think the end of us was going to be a tragedy.  

I thought I’d collapse into a case of depression.

Yet, I feel cleansed. 

I can feel my mind emptying your toxins.

I lay patiently until you are no more.

The ending feels better than the beginning.

I see a flower blossoming along the path I walk.

This flower is so vibrant and true.

For every ending, is new beginning. 

For the new beginning, lies within you.